What Have I done!
by chylex28
Summary: Katara isn't so happy after her wedding to Aang. Why did she do it? A look into her mind, then and now. 2nd in the You Don't Know Me Series.


Disclaimer: I own Avatar: The Last Airbender. My name is Bryke, and the show did in fact end in a Zutara ending... What's that? It didn't? Well then, I guess I don't own it then...

This is the continuation of a story I wrote a year ago, You Don't Know Me. You don't have to read it first, but it'd be cool if you do.

* * *

This was a mistake. A terrible, horrendous, mistake. She never should have done this. What was she thinking? Why did she always have to be so hopeful that things would turn out just fine? Why couldn't she have just taken a risk and said something before? She was so screwed...

Katara was sitting on a plane, on her way to cold, windy Iceland, of all places, for her honeymoon. Her fian... er... _ husband_, Aang, had fallen asleep in the seat next to her. They had been together for 2 years now and had just gotten married a few hours earlier. It should be too soon for Katara to be questioning their marriage, but she was. She couldn't help but think back to the wedding. She had been so excited to be getting married, she had not really thought this all through. Not until they were at the reception, and she was dancing with Aang. She knew it was much too late for this, but she caught herself looking over Aang's shoulder during a slow dance, and watching _him_. Despite herself, she began to question what she was doing.

Then, she had gone against her better judgment, and hugged her best friend, Zuko, good-bye. She had trouble focusing that whole time; too busy inhaling his deep masculine smoky scent, with just a tinge of citrus-y musk. She knew it well. After all, she had spent the last 10 years memorizing his essence. She had thanked him for being there for her, always, while wishing he had been with her the way she had only dreamed he had been. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, only imagining she was kissing the sweet sinfulness that were his lips. So close... She had had to remind herself this was NOT the time or place to try to fulfill a fantasy that would never be. So she turned her face away from his, and enjoyed the moment; whispering the words she had never had the courage to say out loud to him. At least, not in the way she had wanted to. _I LOVE YOU... So, so much. You have no idea... _

She forced herself to pull away, tears trickling down her face. She gave him a sad smile and tried to convince herself that this was how things were meant to be. _If he felt the same way, he would have said something to you, Katara... You wouldn't be kissing him 'good-bye,' because he would be leaving with you right now... _

Katara walked away, holding hands with a man she loved, truly she did, into her new life. But her heart felt sad and heavy. As much as she wanted to believe she had made the right choice, she knew that she hadn't. She had known all along that she loved Zuko. She didn't know exactly when it had started, but she knew it would never end...

* * *

Zuko, at 17, had gotten his license and his uncle had just gotten him a car. A fiery red '88 Camaro with black racing stripes. It wasn't the newest, or the fastest, but it was his. Zuko had proudly called it Blue Spirit, after his childhood hero. Katara, still to this day, could not understand who dubbed a RED car, Blue Spirit... Boys.

They had spent the summer driving everywhere, just because they could. Mai, Zuko's girlfriend of a few months, had gone on some fancy vacation with her family to Fiji, or something exotic like that. And Sokka had recently gotten a girlfriend, Yue, and "didn't want to hang out, when he could be _making out_." So she had had Zuko to herself the whole summer. They had gotten even closer and were really looking forward to being in the same school again. Katara would be starting Freshman year, and Zuko would already be a Junior, but still. Katara had already met many of his friends, and had started liking Haru.

Once school had started, she had begun spending more time with Haru, while Zuko went everywhere with Mai. Katara had never really liked Mai. At least not with Zuko. Mai was too reserved and blah to be with someone as amazing and complex as Zuko. Zuko needed... Well, Katara wasn't quite sure exactly what he needed, but she knew that it was more, much more, than Mai.

Months had gone by, and Haru had finally asked her to be his girlfriend. She was excited at the idea, and was dying to tell Zuko. Luckily, he had called her shortly after. Yet, she found that telling him she was 'in a relationship_'_, wasn't as thrilling as she had first thought. She found herself feeling confused after that phone call. _Why aren't I more excited? This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a long time! And what was wrong with Zuko? He sounded really nervous and has been more quiet than his usual self lately. Maybe he's still upset about Mai breaking up with him. He never did tell me why they ended... _But Katara was too happy Mai was history, to think more of it.

It had taken Zuko almost a year to get over Mai. He had been somewhat withdrawn and, _off_, somehow. Katara had been too busy with Haru to notice Zuko's strange behavior, at first. But when she had seen it, it worried her. He insisted he was fine, just anxious about college, and everything that came with it. She had let it go then.

That summer, before Zuko left for Roku University in Ba Sing Se, Katara faced her first heartbreak. Haru had moved away, leaving Katara devastated. Zuko spent that entire summer with her, letting her wallow for a time, and then keeping her busy. He took her with him to settle his stuff into his dorm and get a feel for his new school. They took the tours together and explored the massive city of Ba Sing Se. After a few days, he took her back home to Kyoshi. She was so grateful that he had taken such good care of her. But something had felt different.

Katara had been questioning her feelings for him lately. He had started making her feel a bit nervous, and not in a bad way. Despite herself, she'd been noticing how,_ sexy,_ he was. She had been trying to convince herself that she was just missing Haru, and that her surfacing feelings for Zuko, were nothing but a mere projection of that. She found herself dreading his leaving, more and more, and had felt twinges of jealousy when she saw all the pretty women in Ba Sing Se. She had been trying to put those thoughts and feelings aside and just enjoy her time left with Zuko.

The day before Zuko's first class, was the day he finally drove back to Ba Sing Se. But not before he spent the whole night up with her at her house, watching movies and making her favorite, stewed sea prunes, at 2am. Somewhere around 11am, he packed the last of his overnight things into Blue Spirit, and hugged Sokka and Gran Gran good-bye. Katara walked him out to the porch, having him to herself for a few last precious moments.

Zuko pulled Katara toward him, and she nestled her body into his. Katara felt her heart start beating rapidly. She had always loved Zuko, and this wasn't the first time they had embraced. But, she was amazed how good it felt to be wrapped in his arms, now, his scent enveloping her. Zuko had always been there for her, and was the most important person to her. _He hasn't even left yet, and I'm already missing this boy. NO. This MAN, because somewhere along the way, he has grown into a man. The man I love... _Katara started, as she realized her thoughts. It couldn't be. Could it?

At that moment, in the midst of her confusion, Zuko pulled away slightly. He reassured her of his affection and reminded her that if she needed anything, anything at all, he would always be there for her. Katara knew this, that besides her family, he was the only person that she could ALWAYS count on. She knew it, but hearing the words spoken out loud, she couldn't help herself. She began to cry. Crying out of gratefulness for his friendship, grief at his departure, and fear of what she now knew she felt for pulled her closer to him and held her, comforting her like no one else could. He leaned back and looked into her eyes. Katara, in that moment, wanted nothing more in the world, than for him to lean forward and kiss her. As his hands traveled up her arms, and then shoulders, toward her face, her heartbeat picked up again. He settled each of his hands on her face, cupping her cheeks. With his thumbs, he wiped away her tears and smiled down at her. When he leaned toward her, she swore she felt her heart stop. He leaned in, and tenderly kissed her forehead.

Katara was both disappointed, and relieved. She wanted him to reciprocate her feelings, to kiss her passionately, to want her. But maybe it was better this way. There was plenty of time. He had only just turned 19 after all, and she was still 17. _Plenty of time_, she reassured herself, as he climbed into his car and drove away. _We have plenty of time._

* * *

Katara looked next to her, at her husband, Aang. All those years ago, she had never thought she would be in this situation. Married. Married to a man she cared deeply for, but realized, she wasn't in love with. She kept questioning herself. Why did she do this? Was she just so afraid to be alone? Why was she _still_ with Aang?

She should have known from long ago that this wouldn't work out. She should have known when she noticed she couldn't stop comparing Aang to Zuko. They were nothing alike. Where Zuko was cautious of sharing his emotions and concerns with anyone besides her, Aang was open, at times too open, with anyone and everyone. Where Zuko kept his loyalties selective and strong, having a few close friends, Aang preferred to have a vast network of acquaintances, treating all as life-long friends. Where Zuko was constantly fighting tooth and nail for everything, things came easily and naturally to Aang. She respected Aang and admired his qualities greatly, but she had to admit that her opinion of him paled in comparison to her opinion of Zuko.

Now what was she going to do? She couldn't very well end a marriage hours after it had taken place!

Katara sat back, sitting in her seat, remembering how she tried to get over Zuko. The boyfriends she had that never compared with him, that were not even worth remembering. Aang had been the only one that she had felt anything for that even vaguely resembled what she felt for Zuko.

Aang had been a total mystery to her at first. He was young and full of life. He was so certain about everything, and enthusiastic. He was carefree and fun and just what she felt she needed at the time. He was so sure from the beginning, that she and him were 'meant to be.' From the first day they met, he pursued her.

She didn't know what to do at first, and called Zuko. He had been back in Kyoshi for a while, and single. She hoped that telling him about Aang would inspire something in him. Some jealousy that would lead to action, or at least give her an idea if he felt anything for her. Something. But to her disappointment, Zuko had seemed unimpressed and unworried. Katara had been devastated by his lack of reaction, and decided to go out with Aang. After all, she would be back home in less than a year, and what harm would come from dating Aang?

To her amazement, she found herself falling for with Aang. He was so different from anything she had ever known, so refreshing. And soon, he began asking her to be his 'forever girl,' and marry him. She hadn't been sure if it was what she wanted, so she said no. But Aang would not give up and insisted they were fated. It seemed that her friends and family all liked and approved of Aang. Even Zuko, although at times he found Aang irritating. She began to let go of the hope that Zuko would ever love her back. She resigned herself to being with Aang. It was expected, easy, and made everyone happy. And she did love him. Maybe it wasn't as passionate as she would have liked, or as all-consuming as she'd hoped. But it was there.

They had gotten engaged, and a year of planning a wedding went by quickly. Katara could barely believe that just this morning she was getting ready for her wedding. Gran Gran had been there helping her, along with Suki, her maid of honor and Sokka's wife. How her father, Hakoda, had come in to see her and couldn't help but cry. She remembered their sharing memories of her mother, their compliments, and advice. How Gran Gran had pulled her close and looked at her, straight into her eyes, into her very soul, and asked, "Katara, are you sure this is what you want? That Aang is what your heart truly desires?"

Her father had been scandalized! "How could you ask her that? Of course she wants this! She wouldn't be standing here in a wedding dress if she didn't love Aang! Aang is a wonderful boy!"

She had not been so sure at that moment, what to answer, or how she felt. It had been almost a year since she had asked herself that question. Since she had allowed herself to even think of being with someone else. But her father was right. _I'm here, I'm ready, and I want to do this... I think..._

* * *

Now, hours later, she was on her way to her honeymoon. She should be excited and happy. But she wasn't. She couldn't be. Aang was, in fact, NOT what her heart desired. More than anywhere else, all she really wanted was for Zuko to hold her in his arms, to make her feel safe and to let his smell envelop her forever. There was no way she could spend the rest of her life wondering if he loved her in return. Waiting to see if her 'love' for Aang grew into anything more than it was. After only a few hours of promising him her forever, she already wanted to take it back. There was no way she could do this. To either of them. It had to end. Before she lost her nerve. She turned to look at Aang, who was now awake, and staring at her with concern.

"_Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention please..."_

"Katara? Are you alright? You look like you've seen a rhinobear!" He reached over and grabbed her hand. But she pulled it away quickly.

"_We have landed at Bakki Airport and reached our destination."_

"AangIcan'tdothis."

"_Please gather your things in an orderly fashion as we will begin unloading passengers shortly."_

"Do what?"

"Us." Katara took a deep breathe in the moment of silence that followed.

"_Thank you for flying with Appa International, have a pleasant day."_

"I want an annulment."


End file.
